Alas!
by Neril
Summary: A parody of Mary-Sues. May lands in middle earth and is met with a surprise.


Alas!

_I own nothing concerning Lord of the Rings, this is just for fun. And is meant for all of those who despise (Ur... dis-like) Mary-Sues. Have fun reading! :-) _

_A short parody of a Mary-Sue, enjoy! :-)_

It was a warm Autumn day, as the girl with wavy blond hair walked toward her house, a bundle of homework under her arm. She trotted up the wooden steps, and was walking toward the door, when the screen door flew open and hit her squarely in the face. She let out a shriek that could be heard half-way down the street. Could her day get any _better!?_ She looked down to see her little brother staring up at her, or at least she thought he was. She had debated many times that he had been switched out with some sort of alien as a baby.

"Hi, May!" He said cheerfully, "How was school?" He blinked his big brown eyes at her.

"Just great!" She snapped, shoving past him.

"Be nice!" She heard her Mom call from the kitchen. "What's wrong?" she asked, walking out with a platter of cookies.

Sixteen-year old May let out a exasperated sigh, "Anabel didn't bring the make-up _again_, and Cindy decided she was too good to talk to me."

Her mom just stood there, and she blinked, then set the platter down on the coffee table. Bobby, her little brother walked up and grabbed some cookies.

"Want some?" He asked, holding one up.

"No," May turned sharply, almost falling on her high heels, and marched up to her room. Six-year-old Bobby stared after her, he didn't understand her. She was the most poplar girl in school, lived in a wealthy family, so got anything she wanted. And almost everyone in school would fall down at her feet, plus...

"Oh, Legolas!" May flopped back on her oversize bed, and gazed up at the poster on her wall. The Elven warrior's long light blond hair, swirled behind him, his bow pulled up in a draw. "Only you would understand," she ranted on. "Abused by your Father, under appreciated, oh, if only we could be together!" She sighed, as she laid back, flopping her books and paper beside her.

Her nose was throbbing. She sat up, and looked at her reflection in the mirror. It didn't look too bad, but being herself, she panicked. As she jumped up, she tripped on her brother's cat, fell face first on the floor, and let out a blood-hurdling scream.

"Well, that was quite dramatic," said a voice behind her.

She jumped up and whirled around to see a old man, with long gray hair, and a beard. A blue circle swirled behind him. A portal?

"Gandalf?!" She gasped. It was happening, it was actually happening. All this years she had dreamed of vis-

"Gandalf?" The man asked, "I'm not Gandalf. If Gandalf saw me, he would kill me on the spot."

"Oh," May said. "Who are- Wait, you're from MIDDLE EARTH!"

"Yes," the man said slowly, wondering what was wrong with the girl.

May almost fainted. Then-

"What are you doing here?"

"My name is Fredrick, and I wanted to come to this world. But once I come here, I have to trade out with someone else."

"So, you mean, you come here, and someone has to go there to replace you?"

"Yes," the man said. How dense was this girl? For the first time he seemed to notice all the Legolas posters on the wall, but didn't mention anything.

"Soo, I can go to middle earth?" She asked.

"Yes!" Fredrick snapped. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here, if everyone was like this here, than this place was in grave danger.

The girl stepped toward the portal, a grin spreading across her face. It was _very_ creepy. Fredrick was about to push her in, before he changed his mind. Then a vacuum like noise was made, and she was sucked in. The room returned to normal, except the fact that there was a strange old man standing there, wondering why the portal had brought him here. He remembered something, wondering if he should have told the girl. The reason Gandalf wanted him dead was for killing a girl called Mary-Sue, who would not leave Legolas or him alone, thinking he was Gandalf.

Meanwhile, Mary saw blue all around her. Then was suddenly out in a huge field. She glanced around. To her left was a huge, dark forest; Mirkwood. A small distance away a blue bird sang cheerfully, and, upon seeing Mary, flew away as fast as its little wings would carry it.

"Ah! Legolas my love!" She exclaimed, "I have come at last, I will save you from your angry Father, and with my ne-"

She was stopped short as a sharp pain ripped threw her body. She gasped, and looked down, not being able to utter a sound. Kind of ironic seeing she had screamed twice in the last ten minutes.

An arrow protruded from her chest, inches from her heart. She gasped as blood came to her lips.

"No," she gasped out quietly, "It wasn't suppose to end this way! NOOOOOOOOO!"

A few yards away a confused orc stared at her. This was the strangest thing he had ever killed. Even more strange than the purple, crazy, one legged, one armed orc, that somehow managed to put on quite a fight with a broken sword, that he had killed last week. He cocked his head, than turned to leave. It was probably a good idea to stay away from this strange creature. Very, _very_ far away. And that was the smartest thing any orc had done.

An Elf was riding happily along, going to visit his friend, when he came across the blond girl, lying on the ground, writhing in her blood. He stopped his horse, curious at what this thing was. It looked human, but was dressed very strangely. He dismounted, and crept closer.

Suddenly the creature's eyes popped open. It had clouded over hazel eyes. Quite ugly in his opinion. Then it let out a shriek.

"LEGOLAS!"

Legolas jumped up, a little startled, but quickly recovered. How did this mortal know his name? He drew his sword, suspicion growing.

"Oh, Legolas," she sighed. "At last!" She said something else, that sounded like she was trying to speak some strange twisted form of Elvish.

"I will help you overcome the abuse from your father. Oh, what a tragedy. The cruel heartless creature! Caring only for his own desires, torturing you, such a horrible man, he deserves to die a long and painful death."

Now, if May had been paying any attention to Legolas, she might have stopped talking. Or not.

"How dare you insult my Father!" Legolas exclaimed, then drove the sword through her heart. What was up with these strange human girl creatures that seemed to obsess with him and a cruel Father? And where on middle earth did they come from?

Soon he was on his way, and his good mood returned as he rode to meet his friend. Just wait until Aragorn heard of the strange events of this day!

Fredrick was standing in awe at everything around him. After leaving the house, he headed toward the city, which was about a hundred feet away. He stepped out onto the strangely, smooth rock road. He saw a yellow line, and walked to it, then started down it. This must be the path these humans walked on.

He heard a strange loud noise around him.

Then suddenly a large flying object hit him.

And he died.

The End


End file.
